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Tom is a little boy, and he is only seven yearsold. Once he goes to a cinema. It is the first time for him to dothat. He buys a ticket and goes in. But after two or three minuteshe comes out, and buys the second ticket and goes in again. After afew minutes he comes out again and buys the third ticket. Two orthree minutes after that he comes out and asks for another ticket.But a girl asks him,“Why do you buy so many tickets? How manyfriends do you meet?” “No, I have no friends here, but a big womanalways stops me at the door and cuts up my ticket.” 汤姆是个小孩， 他才7岁。 当他去电影院的时候。那时他第一次去。他买了张票进去了。但没过两三分钟他就出来了，然后买了第二张票又进去了。 几分钟后他又出来买了第三张票。 接着两三分钟后他又出来买票。一个女的问她，“你为什么要买那么多票啊? 你见到了几个朋友？" "没有， 我里面没朋友，但是每当我进门的时候一位大的女人老把我的票给剪了"小学生英语幽默故事四： Child:My uncle has 1000 men under him. Man:He is really somebody.What does do? Child:A maintenance man in a cemetery 他真是一个大人物 小孩：我叔叔下面有1000个人。 男人：他真是一个大人物。他是干什么的？ 小孩：墓地守墓人。小学生英语幽默故事五： Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a great man if hewere still alive today? Student: Of course. He must be a great man, for so far nobody haslived to over 400 years. 一名伟人 老师：如果莎士比亚还活着，他会是一名伟人吗？ 学生：当然。因为到目前为止，还没有人活到400多岁。小学生英语幽默故事六： Mr. Smith: Waiter, theres a dead fly in my soup. Waiter: Yes, sir, I know its the heat that kills it. 史密斯先生：服务员，我的汤里有一只死苍蝇． 服务员：是的，先生，我知道了，它是被烫死的．小学生英语幽默故事七： Son: Dad, give me a dime. Father: Son, dont you think youre getting too big to be foreverbegging for dimes? Son: I guess youre right, Dad, Give me a dollar, will you? 儿子：爸爸，给我一角钱。 父亲：儿子，你不认为你已经长大了，不该再老是一角一角地要钱了该自立了，不是吗？ 儿子：爸爸，我想你是对的，那给我一块钱行吗？
小学生英语幽默故事八： A little kid fell in love with another little kid,a school mate. Sometimes the kids think they fall in love when theyhave a crush on someone else in the class, when they’re eight orten years old or something like that. So the eight year oldkid cameback home and asked his father, “Father, is it expensive to bemarried?” And the father said, “Yes, son, it is very expensive.” Sothe son asked, “How much does it cost?” And the father said, “Idon’t know, son. I’m still paying.” 有个小孩爱上了另一个小孩，对方是学校的同学。八岁或十岁左右的孩子有时会迷恋班上某个人，然后就以为自己恋爱了。因此这个八岁的小孩回家问他爸爸：「爸爸，结婚很花钱吗？」爸爸说：「是啊，儿子，非常花钱。」儿子又问：「要花多少钱呢？」爸爸说：「我不知道，儿子，我到现在还一直在付钱啊！」小学生英语幽默故事九： "Boy, why have you got cotton wool in your ear? Is it infected?""No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me wentin one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it." “孩子，你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了吗？” “没有，老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进，一个耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。”小学生英语幽默故事十： “Im sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollarsfor pulling your boys tooth .” “Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you chargedonly four dollars for such work!” “Yes，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared fourother patients out of the office .” “对不起，夫人，为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。” “20美元！为什么？不是说好只要4美元。” “是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四个病人吓跑了。”小学生英语幽默故事十一： TWO： Teacher：We all know that beat causes anobject to expand an cold cauese it to contract. Now，can anyone giveme a good example? John：Well ，in the summer the days are long，and in the winter thedays are short. 老师：我们都知道热胀冷缩的道理。现在，谁给我举个例子？ 约翰：嗯，在夏天天都长，在冬天天都短。小学生英语幽默故事十二： The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours.then he started again, and said he:"Let me ask the evolutionist aquestion if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?" "Ill venture an answer, " said an old lady. "We have worn themoff sitting here so long.". 教进化论的老师已经滔滔不绝地讲了快两个小时，他的话题又来了：“让我向进化论者提个问题 如果我们曾经像狒狒那样长着尾巴，那么现在尾巴到哪里去了？” “我来试试看，”一位老太太说。 “该是我们在这里坐这么久把它们磨掉了吧。”小学生英语幽默故事十三： A man was going to the house of some rich person. As he wentalong the road, he saw a box of good apples at the side of theroad. He said, "I do not want to eat those apples; for the rich manwill give me much food; he will give me very nice food to eat."Then he took the apples and threw them away into the dust. He wenton and came to a river. The river had become very big; so he couldnot go over it. He waited for some time; then he said, "I cannot goto the rich mans house today, for I cannot get over the river." Hebegan to go home. He had eaten no food that day. He began to wantfood. He came to the apples, and he was glad to take them out ofthe dust and eat them. Do not throw good things away; you may beglad to have them at some other time. 译文一个人正朝着一个富人的房子走去，当他沿着路走时，在路的一边他发现一箱好苹果，他说：“我不打算吃那些苹果，因为富人会给我更多的食物，他会给我很好吃的东西。”然后他拿起苹果，一把扔到土里去。他继续走，来到河边，河涨水了，因此，他到不了河对岸，他等了一会儿，然后他说：“今天我去不了富人家了，因为我不能渡过河。”他开始回家，那天他没有吃东西。他就开始去找吃的，他找到苹果，很高兴地把它们从尘土中翻出来吃了。不要把好东西扔掉，换个时候你会觉得它们大有用处。小学生英语幽默故事十四： A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you dowith the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor oldwoman," he answered. "Youre a good boy," said the mother proudly."Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the oldwoman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。“你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。”小学生英语幽默故事十五： Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At thisage, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was alwaysasking questions. Now, he asked, "Whats the meaning of the wordDrunk, dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there arestanding two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four thenI am drunk." "But, dad," the boy said, " theres only ONEpoliceman!" 醉酒 一天，父亲与小儿子一块儿回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？”“唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸，”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”小学生英语幽默故事十六： Sleeping Pills Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to seehis doctor, who prescribed some extra strong sleeping pills. Sundaynight Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heardthe alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in andsaid to his boss: "I didnt have a bit of trouble getting up thismorning." "Thats fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday andTuesday?" 安眠药 鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。 星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说：“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。” “好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了？”
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